When you’re alone…
It hurts. You yearn to matter to someone.
The pain of not having friends is like a constant ache in your chest. Inside, you feel like you are on the verge of exploding.
The emotions you can’t express…
The fear of rejection…
Feeling like people are aliens that you’ll never understand…
You want to connect and be close to others, but it’s a confusing (and sometimes terrifying) ordeal.
What you wouldn’t give…
… just to be NOTICED! It’s hard to feel invisible, especially when you’re surrounded by people.
Everyone else seems to connect so easily. Why can’t you??
You can’t help but wonder if there’s something wrong with you. There’s a voice inside telling you you’re not smart, beautiful, social… (fill in the blank) enough.
You’ve tried everything: social skills classes, authentic relating, asking better questions, mindset hacks…
But that invisible wall keeps you from others… and the more you try, the more hopeless it seems.
There’s another way.
Here’s a hard truth you probably didn’t get from the social classes: To connect to others, you first need to be able to connect to yourself.
Yes, you heard it right. The level of disconnection you are experiencing right now reflects disconnection within yourself.
That is the real reason you cannot connect. That is the real wound. Doing the social classes without addressing this deeper issue is like putting lipstick on a pig. It doesn’t work!
So… why are you disconnected from yourself?
The short answer is “trauma.” And I’m not just speaking about big shock trauma or sexual abuse. I’m also talking about the more subtle forms of trauma—emotional neglect, bullying, or chronic stress, for example – that often go undetected.
Do you want to know the biggest thing I hear from adults who have suffered from trauma? It goes something like this: “I don’t think that what I went through was ‘trauma.’ I know other people who’ve had much worse things happen to them!”
What we don’t realize is that many of us carry trauma without even knowing it, and ANY trauma can disrupt our relationships with ourselves and others.
Poisoning the well…
When we experience trauma, especially in our formative years, we often develop coping mechanisms that disconnect us from our authentic selves. Trauma creates a split within us, a disconnection from our inner life, which then projects outwardly as an inability to connect with others.
To survive the emotional pain, we hide the parts of ourselves we fear aren’t acceptable. And we develop protective parts that keep us guarded from others so we don’t get hurt again. So, while we might consciously try to connect with people, there’s an unconscious shield holding us back. Even if we manage to put down this shield, we often end up connecting with others by hiding significant parts of who we truly are.
Because of this, people don’t feel truly connected to us. They connect to a mask we’ve created instead of our real selves. And even if they connect with us, it doesn’t feel genuine…
… because deep down, we know they’re not seeing the whole picture.
Helping you feel more connected…
By using body-oriented approaches and therapies, I’ll help you release the trauma in your body and mind to mend that split within. When your body heals, you’ll feel safer and more connected while interacting with others.
Next, we’ll focus on your mind and emotions. That means quieting that inner critic that’s always telling you you’re not good enough and embracing the parts of you you’ve rejected in the past. Recognizing how those parts have played a protective role in your life is an important part of healing. You also have to let them know it’s okay to relax.
Once we’ve done the deep trauma work, I will teach you mindset hacks to reframe how you view your connections with others. You’ll also learn tools to be more interesting and magnetic – like asking better questions and telling better stories.
All of this goes a long way toward helping you build healthy, long-lasting relationships.
It can all start right now!
Once you heal and embrace parts of yourself that you have rejected in the past, your capacity for deep, meaningful connections naturally enhances.
You CAN build healthy, long-lasting relationships!
But it starts by healing the trauma in your mind and body. Reach out for your free consultation, and we’ll discuss how I can help.